Magic and Mayhem: Risky Witchness (Kindle Worlds Novella) by Saranna DeWylde

Author:Saranna DeWylde [DeWylde, Saranna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kindle Worlds
Published: 2016-10-16T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 5

Ethelred

“No. Put the Fairy Juice down,” I said as soon as the door closed.

“Why? Everything is going to shit, and I’m going to have a last hurrah.”

“Not on my time. Listen Bitchy Witchy, I’m not bathing you again, and I’m not plucking spines from your ass. I get that it sucks. I’m right here in Suckville with you, but do you see me getting shitfaced on Fairy Juice and puking on my traveling companions? No. Because that has never in the history of ever helped anything.”

“Oh, come on. You know that alcohol is the universal lube. When life fucks you in the ass, I say you deserve a little Astroglide.”

“Fairy Juice is not Astroglide. And this didn’t just happen to you, witchling. Your choices brought you here. You chose the student loans.”

“I didn’t choose Prick.”

“Do you think he chose you?” Ethelred rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure that poor little bastard would much rather have any other witch than you.”

“Am I that bad?” She looked up at me, her eyes luminous and sad.

She was such an easy target at the moment. Boring. I sighed. I guess it was probably time to get to that lesson teaching. Even without magickal powers, I could drop some knowledge on her. It was easier to make them listen, though, if I could drop them into a situation that drove it home. So I supposed simply telling her would have to do.

I briefly wondered if that was supposed to be my lesson? If that was why I’d been sent here. To learn something about my job, my role in the vast endless universes… I hated those self-teaching moments. They were a pain in the ass.

“It’s not that you’re ‘that bad.’ It’s that not everything is actually about you. A witch and her familiar are supposed to have this amazing bond. From what I can see, you two only live to irritate the other. Although, you should know, he gathered those dollar bills without much complaint that night in the bar so you wouldn’t have to conjure us a place to sleep. He does look out for you, and I don’t see you doing anything for him. It’s like he’s part of your luggage.”

She looked like she’d just been smacked with a shit stick.

“Yeah, I know it’s no fun to have ugly realizations about yourself. But we do what we do and then we keep on keeping on. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, how about you think about ways to bring in as much money as we can until we get shut down and then figure out a contingency plan for how to pay the loans back if this doesn’t work.”

She perked. “You’re right. I have almost half the money I need already. It’s not as hopeless as I’d thought.” Her smile beamed. “I could just kiss you.”

Well, she had said it was inevitable, right? She’d just accepted this was going to happen between us? I wasn’t opposed.

“Then why don’t you?” I offered.

She cocked her head.

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